Be yourself; everyone else is already taken

Be yourself, BE yourself, be YOURself, be yourSELF. I say this phrase to myself over and over and it makes less sense the more I do. I recently received a text messages from someone (yes it was you lotti) that ended on the above phrase. An unintended point of introspection I was forced to consider what my self is now.

So much has changed over the last year that I have had to reconsider what I have become. The boundaries that held together my sense of myself have been broken. Constants that help me construct my social place of ‘the funny fat kid’ turned on their head. Now I don’t like being leered at or purved upon.

I also understand that I think in ideology. My research has  bought me to a reading of the body that sees it as an ideological battleground. Reconfigured within the designs of the owner. For this reason I construct ideologies on my surface. The muscles, the strategically rough chest hair, the classic line of sports brand shoes… the list goes on.

My self is made, constructed to appeal to the opposite sex across archetypal line the lead know where. Empty symbol designed to prop up a facade that hides rough structure. Struts and empty space.

[ title: Oscar Wilde]

You don’t have to be good just prolific

I need to finish this god damn Ph.D. So for that reason I have committed three days a week, which I’m going to spend in northampton. Not sure what I will always be doing but I’m going to be there and see what happens.

I think that good work has something to do with dogged determination. I can only think back to my gym work. I went without fail 3 times a week to the gym over a year . Thats 144 times. most importantly however I went in prepared to fail. Ie get in wrong, hurt myself, lack energy, lack motivation. But I still turned up and did my hours. Hence the dramatic change in my form factor.

I think that this has to be the same with the Ph.D. Work to succeed prepare to fail.

So today was my first day here are the pictures. Look through them before you read the below explanation

Here’s what I did.
I recorded myself doing pushups. I do pushups every day. In the above photos are the points of breaking where I couldn’t do any more. There is something about that point of breaking that I find intresting. Where my will breaks and I can physically no longer hold myself up. That little split between language and physicality. There’s something in there that involves Nietzsche, my weight loss, gender play, gender power. Not sure. It needs work

Any insight would be gratefully recived

i love web 2.0

I’m all social network/content high at the moment and have been using tumblr to upload my photographs. i like it better than Flickr because its less clinical, more flexible.

check it out

the objective is simple, only 1 photograph a day. anyone can upload twenty unfocused images of the same thing. i’m gonna be more dictatorial.